You can't always get what you want. . .

When you're in college all you can think about is getting out. You count down the days until graduation and the time when your life "begins." However, with the economy the way it is, there's absolutely nothing exciting about graduation. Over the past year, I've gone through several different positions (freelancing, sales, and copywriting) and I'm still struggling to find the right job. I'm not sure whether it's me- if i just haven't found the right passion since school - or whether it's the jobs, but I just can't find the right career.
Now, more than anything, I'm wishing I was back in school. It's the only place I've felt as though I belong and that I excel at my work. I made straight A's and I was always so excited to go to class. Yeah I was stressed and there were nights I was scared I wouldn't get everything done, but somehow, I always did and it felt incredible! I wanted to work hard because I knew I was good at it and I loved getting good grades.
I'm scared I may never get that passion and determination back; that i'll never feel like i'm good at what I do again. Am I just incapable of growing up or is it that hard to find the right career?

Finally, a direction!

I got the internship! HURRAY! I'm extremely excited about the position and I think I'm really going to love the company and the work. So while it's nothing permenant for now, it's a huge relief, and it really helps to keep me positive. Now I feel as though I'm moving in the direction of something and that in and of itself is great!

Copywriting Internship

Well I had my interview for the internship today and it went well. I'm already scheduled for a second interview this Friday and I'm really excited about the opportunity. I just have to get past the next phase of interviews, which, there's apparently three people I have to talk to. I also have to pass a mock writing assignment which has to be done in 45 minutes. YIKES! But I'm still really excited and hopeful. It's with a great company and the internship can last for however long I want it to. There's no end date and if I'm good at what I do, they said they might, might, MIGHT hire me for a full time position. So I just have to go in and work my hardest and see what happens.

The only thing that makes me sad about it is Robert isn't here. If I got offered a full time job what would we do? He's three hours away and I miss him terribly. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to leave his new job in seven months. I know he'd never ask me to leave mine either. That's one of the remarkable things about our relationship. We truly respect eachother's needs. We'll see what happens if I get the internship, and later, if I got offered a job. Right now it's hard to be apart, but when we're married we've promised to move back in together. So, despite the fact I have to get the position first, I'm definitely thinking about what would happen if I was offered a career as I don't want to start married life without him here.

A much more positive post

I've decided not to move with Robert right now. I miss living with him a lot but I can't seem to commit to the move. I'm not ready to leave Charlotte. Of course I want to be with Robert and because of that I'm still looking into moving. But right now the right job opportunity hasn't come along, and as I've said time and time again, when we start our life as a newly married couple, I want the right career. Especially since I want to go back to school and get my masters as well.

Also a few weeks ago I was offered an interview for a Copywriting internship that I turned down because I was moving. Now I'm researching back into the position, and if I could get it, it could change my career opportunities. I'd have experience in copywriting and that's definitely a direction I'd like to go with my career. It's a paid internship, too. Which means I could pay my bills and save a little while I'm researching into finding the right job where Robert is. I've got everything crossed for this position, which is scary because I don't want to be disappointed if I don't get it. But I'm hopeful.

Okay. . . so back to indulging in Boomerang cartoons.

Grad doesn't always mean glad

In life sometimes you have to do what you have to do. But I'm honestly disappointed at having to accept a job that I didn't want. Unfortunately it's what all college grads are going through right now, not just me, so I'm not trying to sound like I'm the only one:-). The thing is, I'm on the verge of getting married, and I'm starting to worry I won't have a good, stable career to start that life. I don't care about how much I make, I just want to make enough to have a good life. Maybe even save a little. And more importantly than that, I want a career that I LOVE! That's what I worked so hard for afterall. With the job I just accepted I'm going back to living paycheck to paycheck and I hate the work. It's just really hard not to be disappointed about that.

Job hunting

Well, I decided not to take the opportunity I was offered. It was a great job offer, and I would have loved, loved, LOVED the work. However, it didn't pay enough to afford all my bills, which is the only reason I didn't take it. Don't get me wrong, I stand by my statement that the job is more important than the pay, but I have to make enough to pay my bills, too.

As for Robert, he's found a great job opportunity that will really take care of him. I would say more on here, but based on the harassment we've been receiving, I'm going to leave out the job name and where it is. You can always get in contact with me if you want to know :-).

So the job hunt continues. I'm determined to find a position I love. . . at least, most days if not all;). I really haven't been unemployed that long anyway. Just since April. But finding the right job means a lot to me and hopefully, I'll find it soon.

A day in the life. . .

Let me begin with a little mush and say, I love seeing my engagement ring on my finger. I love being reminded that Robert will be my husband and that this is officialy the best period of my life yet(except being unemployed). I'm so happy everyday knowing that we're engaged, and that in almost no time at all, we'll be married. While I'm beyond excited to marry Robert, you can bet I'll take these next eight months and enjoy every part of being engaged. This time will rush by, and I want to embrace this feeling for as long as it's here. I can't believe that after all of my bad relationships, someone like Robert loves me and wants to spend his life with me. It doesn't get much better than that.

But during this period of anticipation and excitement, I have a lot of big decisions to make. Obviously graduating and getting married means I've already entered the world of adulthood, but the decisions I need to make are the kind of decisions that make me feel like I'm too young to make big decisions. I've made life changing moves before, but regardless, this is a tough one and I don't know what direction to take.

I've always said, the career means more than how much I get paid. I stand by this statement, even now. But I've realized what also matters is being able to afford to live. I'm getting married, and as much as I love my family, I don't want to get married and live at home. I want our own place- our little love nest (yeah I said it).

Now I have a real decision to make. Take an opportunity which has been presented to me here or move three hours away. Is it worth staying here or is there more for me three hours from here? I have no idea how to decide.

Starting Over

I'm taking this blog in a slightly different direction. Yesterday I spoke with one of my editors about voice. And I realized I don't really know what my voice sounds like. There are nights I've driven myself crazy trying to write, and I realize now, that's because I'm trying to produce what I think they want versus what I write. Turns out I don't have to do that, but I do have to figure out what I sound like on paper. So this blog provides a way for me to experiment with my voice.

Yet alongisde starting over with my writing, I'm starting over with my life, too. I tried out a new position in sales that. . . well, didn't go so well. And what I learned was that it wasn't the right career fit for me. But I also realized that I can't escape the allure that my college past has left behind. I miss that environment. And it turns out the school setting is where I do my best work and feel the most like myself. I love school, I love reading literature, I love discussing literature, I love writing, and I love waking up with a coffee and going to class. I love EVERYTHING about it. . . okay, minus the homework part. And when it comes down to it, I want to go back.

I question whether or not I have what it takes to be an English professor. But that's where I see myself going. Maybe not at the University level, but definitely at the Comunnity College level. So that's the next step I suppose. I will be working my way through college. But as eager as I am to start, like, tomorrow, I'm going to wait until after my wedding. Because, let's face it, I love, love, LOVE, wedding planning :-). So I want to enjoy every minute of it without any distractions.

So I feel good. I feel right about this decision and the direction I'm going. I KNOW that while I'm doing it. . . it's going to be so rough. Living paycheck to paycheck, having NO time for myself. . . haha, yeah you get the idea. But I really do love school, so I know that the juice is worth the squeeze (that one's for you Robert;)).